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If I Was No More

by Luna Keller

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coachshipley If you could add light to sorrow and make it shine with redemption, then you will have made a song almost as good as this one. Luna's voice transcends the message and gives it wings.
i-am-blackbird
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about

When I wrote “If I Was No More” I was in a really dark place, and it was a painful one to write. It’s not easy to talk about that headspace where everything got so heavy that part of me craved to no longer be there to bear it. It’s a scary thought, one that comes with a lot of guilt and shame. Out of all the songs on the album this one is the one that feels the hardest to share, even now, from the other side. But it’s also one of the best songs I have ever written and it’s an important one to share. With this one music does what it does best - express those things that words alone can’t carry.

Putting words to what I was feeling was a big step for me in my mental health journey, and “If I Was No More” helped me see myself and realize that I needed help. In the end, despite being a heavy song it really is a declaration that I want to live despite the weight upon me. The last verse turns it around with “I am once more”. I gave those thoughts space to realize that they are not what I want.

When I sent this one to my lovely Producer Dominic Romano he noted that despite the dark lyrics the guitar has a “this too shall pass” feeling to it, and I really like that description. We approached the song trying to give it that cathartic feeling where light and dark stand in contrast and make each other visible. One of my favourite additions to achieve this is the beautiful string arrangement by Harley Eblen, I cried when I first heard it. I remember recording the vocals for this one all alone in my cellar studio and feeling this mixture of emotions where the sadness of the words and the beauty of the music brought tears to my eyes. But they were no longer tears of shame, they were tears of gratitude that I am here to tell my story.

lyrics

It could be so easy
If I could release me
No load on my shoulders
No need to get older
If I was no more

No pain and no laughter
No one to look after
And you wouldn’t worry
I wouldn’t be sorry
If I was no more

Shed my skin
Take the weight of my bones
Forgive my sin
And let me walk this path alone

No thought and no meaning
No soul and no feeling
No song or creation
No set destination
If I was no more

Shed my skin
Take the weight of my bones
Forgive my sin
And let me walk this path alone

Free me from myself
No one would have to know
No need to ask for help
If I was no more
Free me from myself
No one would have to know
No need to ask for help
If I was no more
Free me from myself
No one would have to know
No need to ask for help
If I was no more
If I was no more

Well it would be easy
If I could release me
That’s not how it works
What would it be worth?
So I am once more

credits

released February 23, 2024
Luna Keller - Vocals

Produced and Mixed by Dominic Romano

Mastered by Sam Moses

Ben Greenberg - Acoustic Guitar

Harley Eblen - Cello/Strings

Dominic Romano - Addtl. Acoustic Guitars, Percussion, Addtl. Vocals

Chauncey Arner - Addtl. Acoustic and Electric Guitars


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about

Luna Keller image

Luna Keller Cologne, Germany

I'm a singer-songwriterholic who loves making indie folky songs and putting my soul on paper.

Music was part of my life, I remember listening to my parents doing music when I was little and singing along getting all the lyrics wrong. I was thirteen when I picked up one of my dad's guitars and 19 when I moved out to become a full time musician. I am so grateful to be on this path! ... more

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