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Patterns

by Luna Keller

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Wayne Walls
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about

"Patterns” is Chapter III of the “Ocean Inside Of Me Album,” and it’s a bit of an outlier musically, being the first song of mine with an accordion. The first two chapters told a story of becoming aware that something is wrong, realizing that there’s a weight to carry, and struggling with that. There’s inner turmoil and conflict, but the only solution found is to keep going and push through. Inevitably, that leads to “Patterns,” a song about catching yourself repeating the same mistakes and unhealthy coping methods over and over again despite knowing how bad they are for you.

When I was depressed, I knew that none of my coping methods were productive and that I was hurting myself, but I still stayed in those places for more than a year before I had the courage to reach out for help. Self-awareness was not enough to break the cycle when all I used it for was blaming myself for the place I was in.

This is a bitter song written in a state of deep conflict within myself, forcing me to acknowledge the darker parts of me. “This is not who I want to be, yet it lives inside of me.” That line has completely changed its meaning for me over time. When I wrote it, it was an admission of guilt, a shameful, self-destructive part of myself unworthy of love. Now I find it empowering to sing with self-acceptance. Yes, I have my darkness, but I know that she doesn’t define me.

We all have our shadows and patterns, but they will never determine our worth. Whatever you might be going through, be kind to yourself. I hope this song can be there for you when you need it, as it has been for me.

Musically, I always had the idea of a circus vibe for this one, and funnily enough, when I sent it to Dominic Romano, who produced the song, he had the exact same vision for it. Dominic did an incredible job with the production, telling the story through the music too. If you listen closely, you can hear the song fall apart and get worn out as the patterns repeat.

lyrics

I’ve got blood on my hands and no one seems to care
I’ve got all that I want but I am not aware
I’m breaking your heart and you don’t even notice
I’m falling apart and you don’t even notice

I’ve got my own version of reality
Made of pain paper and poetry
Under the surface nothings like it’s supposed to be
Under the water find it really hard to breathe

With every little
With every little
Every little thing that makes me go insane
Every little
With every little
Every little step I take I take in vain
I’m falling into the same old patterns
And they hurt me
And I hurt me

I’ve got secrets that are as heavy as the world
That’s how I keep it, I sing like a broken winged bird
I don’t know the answer and I am not asking
Under the Water I am breathing in

With every little
Every little
Every little thing that makes me go insane
Every little
Every little
Every little step I take I take in vain
I’m falling into the same old patterns
And they hurt me
I hurt me

This is not what I want
Not who I want to be
This is not what I want
Yet it lives inside of me
This is not what I want
Not who I want to be
This is not what I want
Yet it lives inside of me

With every little
Every little
Every little thing that makes me go insane
Every little
Every little
Every little step I take I take in vain
I’m falling into the same old patterns
And they hurt me
I hurt me

credits

released December 29, 2023
Luna Keller - Vocals
Produced and Mixed by Dominic Romano
Mastered by Sam Moses
Dominic Romano - Acoustic and Electric Guitars, Synths, Percussion
M. den Brejeen - Accordion, addtl keys

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about

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Luna Keller Cologne, Germany

I'm a singer-songwriterholic who loves making indie folky songs and putting my soul on paper.

Music was part of my life, I remember listening to my parents doing music when I was little and singing along getting all the lyrics wrong. I was thirteen when I picked up one of my dad's guitars and 19 when I moved out to become a full time musician. I am so grateful to be on this path! ... more

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